Second Thoughts
by xxxMrsAxxx
Summary: Sam and Jack's thoughts on her engagement ring, set during 'Affinity' Season 8. Intended as a one-shot, but a story has started formulating in my mind, so who knows!


Sam was sitting in her lab staring blankly at her laptop. She half-heartedly typed a few more lines before sitting back, her eyes unwillingly drawn to the small black box on her desk again. How could such a tiny box contain such a mind-blowing decision inside? She had barely been able to think of anything else for weeks and it bothered her that it was starting to interfere with her work. She frowned at herself and straightened up, poising her hands over her keypad and refocusing her eyes back on her screen. She re-read the notes she had already made and scowled when she realised they made no sense. Jamming her finger down hard on the delete button, she watched her jumbled words disappear, erasing all the mistakes she'd made. Shaking her head at herself, she began again.

She sensed more than saw General O'Neill hovering in her doorway, and she looked around, her heart fluttering lightly. _Well he is the last person I need to see right now,_ she thought as she watched him invite himself in.

"Carter!" he exclaimed with a grin.

"Sir," Sam greeted him back, straightening up further.

"I never thought I'd hear myself utter these words," he continued with a flamboyant hand gesture. "I need that report!"

Sam started. "Right, um . . ." _Since when has he ever even glanced at a report before rather than just file it away? "_ I just need to, er, finish typing up my notes . . ." She rummaged through the paperwork on the desk, not even sure what she was looking for. "Uh, yeah, I'll have it for you first thing tomorrow."

Jack looked at his watch. "It is tomorrow," he pointed out.

Sam looked at her own watch, seeing with a jolt that it was almost 6am. _How long had she been staring at her screen for?_

"Oh," she sighed, feeling a twinge of guilt. Samantha Carter always completed her work, and to the best possible standard. She shouldn't be letting the fact that O'Neill never read the reports – or that blasted box on her desk – to allow her standards to slip.

"I'm joking!" Jack popped her self-deprecation bubble with a smile. "I don't need the report!"

Sam frowned. "Well, then, why - ?"

"Because something's going on with you," he accused, his dark eyes searching hers. "You haven't tried to confuse me with any scientific babble for the last couple of days, and that's a red flag to me."

Sam sighed. The idea of having this conversation with him was uncomfortable on a myriad of levels. He raised his eyebrows questioningly, so she gave up and picked up that darn box. Heart hammering, she offered it to him.

"Pete gave me this."

Jack stared at her for a moment, his pulse quickening. Slowly, he reached forward to take the box. He opened it and glanced down. _Wow_ \- he thought as he looked at the diamond ring, a lump threatening to rise in his throat - _that was a nasty blow to the stomach_.

He looked back at Carter, swallowing to ensure his voice was steady. "You know, people normally wear these on their fingers," he pointed out, praying that it came across nonchalant.

A faint smile crossed her lips. "I haven't said yes."

"And yet . . ." he replied absently, looking back down at the ring, "you haven't said no." He shut the box harder than was necessary.

Carter jumped slightly at the snap. "I told him I needed to think about it."

"And?" Jack pushed. He purposefully placed the box on her desk, pushing aside the nonsense thought that that wasn't the way he ever pictured giving her an engagement ring.

"That was two weeks ago," she said sheepishly.

"Ah!" Jack exclaimed.

He could feel that she really needed to get this all of her chest, but he couldn't help but wonder why she had chose to have this conversation with him of all people. Sure - he had pushed her to talk, but that was when he thought she'd been having a crisis with one of her scientific doohickies or something. He certainly didn't expect to be standing in her lab at the crack of dawn talking about her love life. It wasn't something he enjoyed hearing about. But it did really seem like she needed someone to talk to, so he leaned forward and rested his hands on her desk. All ears. That's what friends were supposed to do, right?

"Y'know, all these years I've been concentrating on work," she continued thoughtfully. "I just assumed that one day I would ..."

"Have a life?" Jack finished her sentence for her.

Sam let out an aspirated laugh. "Yeah!"

Jack nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. Perhaps a little too well. "Yeah . . ."

"And now it comes down to it, I don't know," she continued, shaking her head. "I mean, every time we go through the Gate, we risk not coming back. Is it fair to put somebody else through that?"

"Pete is a cop," he pointed out fairly. "I think he could handle it."

Carter looked away for a moment, looking strained. "What about kids?" she blurted out.

Jack frowned, his stomach squirming uncomfortably. "What about 'em?"

"Do I take maternity leave and then come back?" she asked, a touch of hysteria in her voice. "What, do I drop the baby off at daycare on my way to some unexplored planet on the edge of the Crab Nebula - ?"

"Carter," Jack interrupted, attempting to calm her down. "There are people on this base who have families."

Sam paused, her blue eyes moving back up him.

"What about you?" she asked quietly, her gaze holding his. "If things had been different ..." she trailed off, a slight flush brushing across her cheeks.

Jack looked at her for a long moment, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest.

 _Oh Carter, let's not go down that road._

It's not like Jack had never fantasised about the idea of him and Carter together - he had, and often. But no matter how many times he tossed it around in his noggin, she was still in his chain of command. He couldn't date her; it was as simple as that – not unless he retired. He had wrestled with the idea of doing just that for a long time. If Carter would have asked him to, he would have retired in a heartbeat. But she hadn't and never would, for the same reason he would never ask it of her. This job was all-consuming; it was their _life_. It would be hard to simply walk away and leave the fate of the Earth – hell, the _Galaxy –_ in someone else's hands. He was also half-convinced that his Carter-addled brain had completely made up the idea that the feelings were mutual. Sure, there were specific moments he could pinpoint were even someone as dense as him had picked up on it. But what if he retired to start a relationship with her, only to find that she didn't feel the same way? No, best to stick at the job for now. At least he could watch over her ass, as well as Teal'c and Daniel's. And it's not like he expected her to waste her life waiting for him to retire. Thinking about it, it was a good thing that Carter had met another man outside of this craziness; someone who could give her what she wanted . . . marriage . . . kids . . . everything Jack was unable to give. He'd had his shot at a family and he had blown it. Even if they could be together, surely Carter deserved more than a washed-up middle-aged grouch with enough baggage to sink a ship? He wanted her to be happy. Even if it was with that dullard Pete.

He sighed inwardly. "I wouldn't be here," he stated simply.

She gave him a resigned smile, her eyes growing distant. It clearly wasn't the answer she had wanted, but it was the only one he was able to give her. Anything else would be crossing that unspoken line they had drawn between them many years ago.

"Get some sleep, Colonel," Jack said eventually, straightening up. "We've a busy day ahead."


End file.
